Friday, March 03, 2006

Friday 3rd

I had a weird dream.
I was standing in a shiny, white, empty room.
In the middle of it was one of those lovely baths with lion paws. The whole bath tub was filled with melted chocolate and there was my friend bathing in it, completely naked.

She laughed at me and suddenly her face turned into my old friends face.
( She was my good friend at the university, but suddenly she quite lost it and had an idea I was sort of an enemy and she broke up with me. She looks bit like JRT's girlfriend, which isn't important, but I just had to say it. )
Well she stood up, and shouted at me that I should help her with the laundry, or otherwise she would tell the police I stole a pair of pink Emma chairs from her.
( I didn't )
I woke up and realised I had a laundry-day.

But first I had to visit the office, where I completely lost my nerves.
Stupid money-talk and so on, but it was their mistake and now I have to suffer.
There I was shouting like a maniac and the lady behind the desk seemed to enjoy of it.
The bastard.
I would have drowned her in the melted chocolate, but I bet she would have enjoyed of that too.

So I came back home and had a horrible desire to smoke ( it's 14 months sice I quitted up smoking).
Instead of it I ate a giant chocolate bar and felt miserable.
Week ago I had quite nice news that one of my photos was chosen as a web card. I told about it to my mum. The response was: aha. Nothing else.
I told Mr. Fox, who said sarcastically: It was the camera taking the photo, not you.
Yes my photos are crabby, but couldn't they just have said something like: Well done, old chap, cheerio and hurrah!
But no, there I was thinking of all the lost relationships and so-called friends I used to have.

Suddenly I noticed I hadn't taken the dog out. It was bloody slippery outside and of course I fell down and lost the dog.
And yes, the dog is in heat. I tried to ran after, but then I saw how my lovely doggy tried to shag one small dog.
SHE is fast like a greyhound and very stubborn, so it took a while until I got them separated.
The tiny male papillon was shaking after the attack of our lady bastard, which is a very charming mixture of these breeds: Siberian husky, Siberian laika and Carelian beardog.
They would have made some lovely puppies, but fortunately she is quite
confused of her sexual identity.

We came back home and the dog tried to shag our cat, which didn't quite like the cross-genre lesbian sex, because she threw up on the carpet.

Instead of writing some proper things I should have done, I ended up writing some stupid comments on blogs. My sincere apologies again.
And I didn't have time for laundry, because it was time to pick up the kids.

J had been fighting with a boy, who had hit him with a rake. Happily it wasn't a snow shovel.

On the way home I almost crashed the car ( it was slippery, as I told you ) with a police car and a funeral car.
Yes, that would have been quite handy, but happily I can add the word 'almost' in this sentence.

We came home and I was stopped by the neighbour downstairs.
She said that Mr. Fox had tried to rang me several times.
I took the phone from my bag and noticed it still hade the silent profile on
( I was shouting in the office, remember).

There were 27 missed calls and 7 text-messages.
6 of them were from Mr.Fox, 17 (and all the texts) from my mother, 2 from my mother-in-law and the rest from the emergency exchange.

Yes, I'm 33 years old.
I told my mother yesterday I felt quite dizzy, so she tought I had a stroke or something, because I didn't answer the bloody phone in 4 hours.
My mother-in-law almost had a heart-attack.
And Mr. Fox didn't call the police to open the door, like my mom wanted to.
Otherwise they would have found me doing some breeding of cats and dogs.
But they care after all and I don't have to eat more chocolate.

I just found a rotten slice of tomato stuffed in my trousers, which I haven't used since November. I'm doing the laundry now.

After the kids are in the bed I am so going to open the bottle of Rosemount Estate.
But what should I watch with it?
Tv1: Another Life (Britannia 2001)
Tv2: Law and Oder *
MTV3: Sports talk show
Channel4: The Sweetest Thing (USA 2002)
SubTv: Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps
BBC Prime: Little Britain

Or The Trench. I hate war movies, but I bought it because JRT is in it. And now I can't watch it, because I hate war movies and I like him more in the long hair.
So shallow I am. **

Or then I just drink the wine and make more stupid comments on blogs.

* I'm quite blind and can't see the misspellings I make. This I noticed, but try to imagine it's Arnold Schwarzepepper pronouncing.

** I'm not a teenager, just stupid. Sigh.


tiina said...

Did your mother really call the emergency exchange? Well, I won't say a thing ;)

Dave said...

What an interesting life you lead.

taigathefox said...

Dave, it was a horrible day yesterday. Normally it is just as dull as I am.

*ybydlrmv = the sound my cat did while messing the carpet ( how long are these word verifications today? )

taigathefox said...

Tiina, she did. I know.

patroclus said...

Taiga, was it very wrong of me to laugh a lot at this post? In fact I'm still laughing. More of this, please. Although, you know, don't crash your car for the sake of black comedy or anything.

patroclus said...

Oh, and congratulations on the web card, *and* on the giving up smoking (I just can't do it). Was it one of your Superlon photos? They're fantastic. I'd happily have the Limp My Ride photo as a poster :-)

taigathefox said...

Patroclus, be my guest and laugh ahead. I did.

If I had crashed the car, at least I could have told Mr. Fox: "It wasn't me, it was the car crashing. "

And thanks a lot :)
No, it wasn't a Superlon photo ( I don't think anyone would be crazy enough to publish them ).
It was one of my plant photos in a Finnish gardening magazine.

And I tried three times until I could give up smoking. Now I'm going to be tough. I am.

Albert said...

We escaped!!!

Hi, Taiga.

lucy said...

Yes, we're out on a date, but we thought we'd just stop in and say 'Hi.'

It's lovely here. We've never seen snow before.

albert said...

Or wounded Colourballs.

It's really quite magical in here, isn't it? Oo, and there's patroclus. She came to visit me, Lucy. She seems very nice.

Anyway, hope you have a good weekend. Sounds like you need it. We're off to find somewhere to have a drink.

occasional poster of comments said...

Hi Taiga. Have you seen Lucy and Albert? Ah, they've gone already.

Must dash. I'm following them around so I can report on their date later this week. Tomorrow, I expect.

*apologises for dragging this madness all the way to Helsinki*

taigathefox said...

Lucy! Albert! Occasional Poster chap! It's so nice you came! I would have offered you a drink, but there I was singing in the Not 4'33".

I'm quite happy you didn't hear it after all.

Anonymous said...

What did you watch with the wine?

taigathefox said...

I decided to turn on BBC Prime, but there was a huge text on the screen: Not allowed.

So I drank half a glass of wine and went out with the dog. I watched how drunken persons walked randomly in snow.

Then I came back and went to bed with Jon McGregor's book. I read two and a half pages and fell asleep. I did not have dreams.