Friday, March 31, 2006

Schizo Bitch and the Kitsch Hen

The 5th day inside.
Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with the food?

The Shoehorn of Venice

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Disconnecting people

Smooth unique style, reliability and elegance!
The Nokia Ru33er is sure to leave a lasting impression - wherever you go.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Superlon Mystery 15: They want you, they want you in the gravy

Eiseemi Laxi:
The slimy sodafish on me head,
blinking her eye,
Nothing else in me bed,
oh what a horrible theft.

Stejar Strahl: A free advice; pack your poems and go fishing.

Eiseemi Laxi: Oh look, there's the Peasant's Inn!
Stejar Strahl: Some jolly villagers too!
Eiseemi Laxi: Hey village people!
Suspicious woman: Wha' u want?

Eiseemi Laxi: :
We heard you have delicious dishes,
from the turtle plates,

Björn the Bear: Howdy partner! The owner sells fine plates and every kinds of items made of the turtles.
Do you want to buy some?
Surprised man: You shouldn't have said that! He's a police officer!
Björn the Bear: What did I say? I just told that we are selling the turtle things.
I didn't tell them we are the famous tortoise-catchers!

Eiseemi Laxi:
You just did tell,
the thing,
rang me bell,

Surprised man: Look what you did! The Schildpatt twins will be furious now!
Stejar Strahl: Mind you, your armpits smell like the infamous Chinese eggs.
Eiseemi Laxi: Could we eat something now?

To be continued...

Monday, March 27, 2006


While I had my own sleepless weekend party with the GW tape and one bottle of Tonic water,
Mr. Fox was camping with his friends.
He came back last night.
At first he opened the computer.
Then he went to the kitchen and washed the dishes.
After that he sat at the computer, looked at me and said: Hi.

Wehey, I got the Bronze Medal!

Apparently they had enjoyed of the joys of Finnish countryside:
- 48 hours of sauna ( for naked men )
- Endless amounts of drinks
- Open fire for cooking
- Frozen lake for swimming

The injuries marked so far:
- Two wounded legs
[it is surprisingly difficult to get out from the frozen lake when you're drunk)
- One burnt fleece
[it is surprisingly difficult to cook outside when you're drunk ]
- One slightly burnt arm
[ it is surprisingly difficult to run naked in the snow at night when you're drunk and
carrying two candles]

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Superlon Mystery 14: Strokeback fountain

Stejar Strahl and Eiseemi Laxi followed the Pink Geezer.
Finally they arrived at the Strokeback Fountain.

Stejar Strahl: Look! There's my baby boy in the hand of the rambo!
Eiseemi Laxi: Jambo! My name is Laxi, Eiseemi Laxi and I need to know where you're going to take that baby.
Mrs cowboy: I'm gonna tell you this one time, Eiseemi duckin' Laxi, an' I ain't foolin'...
Mr Wowboy: Blaa blaa blaadidaa. My momma believes in the cosmonauts.

Mrs Cowboy, Mr Wowboy and the tiny Russian galloped away.

Eiseemi Laxi: Hey! The geezer is breaking the fountain!
Stejar Strahl: Stop this criminal act at once!
Pink Geezer: I've done nothing. I'm just a poor fountain-flusher.
Stejar Strahl: Why did you take the baby? Why did they leave with the baby?
Pink Geezer: I sold it. They wanted to adopt an astronaut.

Stejar Strahl: Oh. That's understandable. Have you sold any turtles or rings lately?
Pink Geezer: No, but I ate some tasty artichokes in the baneberry sauce. The plates were made of tortoiseshell.
Eiseemi Laxi: Where?
Pink Geezer: In the local Inn. You should taste their Sockjuice.
It's fabulous. My grandma always said after that:

"We had so much fun indeed, while we ran and peed."

To be continued...

Friday, March 24, 2006

Sweet medicine

I am ill. I am in the hot bath, eating the grapes I am offered.


I am ill.
I am in the kitchen making a dinner, not for myself.
I am in the bathroom doing the laundry, not for myself.
I am outside in the snow walking with the dog.
I am in the bed, finally.
I can't sleep, because I share my bed with a grumpy man, two giggly kids, one hot husky and one mad cat, who sleeps on my forehead like a furry bandanna.

Mr. Fox says:
Hey, that's you in the telly!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Four acts and a funeral

Act 1
At the Flea Market

- Finding some nice toys for the Superlon [nearly ready].
- Keeping my jacket on my arm.
- Having a conversation with an another customer.

Lady customer: I saw that first.
Me: Pardon?
Lady customer: The jacket. I saw it first.
Me: No, it's mine.
Lady customer: I saw it. I want it.
Me: No, it really is mine. I'm wearing it. I have bought it already from the shop. It is not for sale.

- The greedy Lady customer don't believe me.
- She is pushing me towards the table.
- I'm hitting my leg.

Ouch. [But I still own my own jacket.]

Act 2
Coming out from the shop

The setting: a slippery uphill [still snowing here].

- Carrying two huge shopping bags, one handbag, one canvas bag (15 books inside) and a packet of dog food (10 kg).
[I'm not a weightlifter-lady with a moustache. I'm just.. erm ...strong. ]
- Falling down.
- The dog food is flying in the air.
- Hitting my tail to the asphalt.


Act 3
At home

The setting: a home in the 4th floor. No lift.

- Carrying up everything previously mentioned and two fighting kids.
- My leg is hurting.
- My tail is hurting.
- My throat is hurting
- My eyes are dripping.
- Having a fever.
- Having a ravenlike voice again.


Act 4
In the kitchen

- Boiling some potatoes.
- The odd, naughty potatoes don't get boiled.
- Offering Mr. Fox some nonboiled potatoes.
- Having a massive scene by myself.
- Shouting: Boil your own potatoes!

He does.

I'm going to the bed now.

Monday, March 20, 2006

20.3.06 at 20.26 *

I woke up early, too early, when someone shouted faaak! very loudly, straight into my ear.
It wasn't Sue White swearing, but A (3 years) practicing what kind of a noise a vulture does.
Soon it was my turn to play a raven.
I opened my mouth to say something, but kraah was the best and only sound I could do.
A didn't notice anythig peculiar.
He lifted the blanket away and said:"Mom, you are very muscular."
Gee, I hope he didn't mean:"You've begun to resemble a Bulgarian weightlifter-lady with a moustache".

This muscular woman, with a husky ravenlike voice, had a horrible day.
I actually worked today and didn't spend the whole day blogging and staring at some photos.
I ate some Panadol and wrote. [I should be ill more often.]
I had a short break and soon it was my turn to shout faak!, because I noticed the announcement from our TV-station:
"We have already bought the second season of Green Wing." [way to go!]
"It will be aired sometime in 2007."
[ I'm polite and don't print the words I said. Besides you don't seem to have such words in English. You swear very nicely indeed.]
Well, one thing's for sure: I am definitely not going to wait for a year. A month or two maybe, but a year! In that time I could easily walk to England and back to see all the episodes live. Maybe I'll do.
If you see a shaggy fox walking and swearing out loudly in an odd language, don't shoot, it's probably me.

I was supposed to be potting some plants, but I didn't.
I was staring at the computer quietly.
I asked the kids what they want to eat.
They said : "Nothing, but we would love to have a tuba and the steam organs".
I said: "Okay".
I'm in trouble now.

* The exact time of the spring equinox. The midnight sun, here we come!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

68 92 12 63, 125

While having a typical Sunday walk on the Baltic Sea, I bumbed into some red plastic balls. I followed the line of the balls into the small island.

Wait, what is that? A hutch?

It is the lost children!
"Count the lost numbers!", they shouted.

I saw an old transmitter in the woods.

Which were the lost numbers?

Let's try 13 x 13 x 13 x 13,5 x 13 x 13,75 x 13 =
68 921 263, 125

Doesn't make any sense.
Weren't the lost numbers 4 8 15 16 23 42?

Oh why, oh why did I sleep during my maths lessons?
[Oh, I didn't. I was thinking how nicely tanned some teenage twat was.]

What if I divide the numbers?

68 921 263, 125 / 4 8 15 16 23 42 = 0,01431.

Blimey, it was this close to be 3,141!
[Well, the same numbers anyway.]

Now it is just zero, nought, nothing; as useless as this whole post.
Oh wait, it must be my IQ.
And it will be the Finland's final points in the Eurovision Song Contest 2006.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

13 ways to use your mother ( part one )

Pinball Mom

You need:
- one plastic ball or Easter egg
- one mother

Place your mother into the sitting position.
Slide the ball/egg down for approx. half an hour.
Make your little brother/ sister / friend say pling every time the ball / egg hits an elbow or a knee.

Have fun!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Superlon Mystery 13 ¾: Superlonian Pastorale

Superlon goes splatter.

Eiseemi Laxi: Wake up! Stejar! What have you done?
Stejar Strahl: Mmph?
Eiseemi Laxi: I close my eyes and when I wake up, you are lying on the ground.
Stejar Strahl: Mmmm?
Eiseemi Laxi: Lying on the ground with a chubby Russian lady, actually .
Stejar Stahl: Hmmm...
Eiseemi Laxi: The chubby Russian lady had a baby boy, by the way. Looks a bit like you.
Stejar Strahl: Eermm.
Eiseemi Laxi: God, are you the father?
Stejar Strahl: Erm..nee. What?

Eiseemi Laxi: Why is that octopus wearing a ketchup camouflage?
Stejar Strahl: No idea.
Eiseemi Laxi: Oh, and that poor little fish. Just a head left in my bed. The carpet is messy, too. Why, oh why?
Stejar Strahl: No idea.
Eiseemi Laxi: Maybe you do when you'll have a view to a bill. Why are we in this hotel anyway? Where are we?
Stejar Strahl: Hrmprh. I dunno.
Eiseemi Laxi: You are as cheerful as the monkey's bum.
Stejar Strahl: It's hard to be happy when your socks are wet.

Eiseemi Laxi: Shh. What's that noise?
Stejar Strahl: Oi! That pink geezer is stealing the baby!

To be continued...

No fish or Russians harmed during the photo shooting.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Age 13

I was born just few months before the Swindon's Magic Roundabout was constructed.
When I reached the age of 13, it was 1985.
The year when Rock Hudson died and Keira Knightley was born.
I lived in the land between Reagan and Gorbachev.
I lived at home, without a VCR.

07.00 Just five more minutes.
07.15 Just five more minutes.
07.30 Okay okay, I'm awake. Soon...
07.45 Why didn't anyone wake me up?
07.50 Should I wear that bright yellow Mexx with oversized belt or Angora sweater?
07.55 This gloss doesn't match with it.
07.57 I'll wear that white Rocky IV-jacket instead.
08.00 I've lost my plastic earring. I have to change the sweater.
08.05 I'll eat just one toast and cup of coffee.1 No butter!
08.10 I'm so fat
08.15 Where's my Victoria Principal workout-book gone?
08.20 I have to change the jeans.
08.25 *running*

08.30 Maths
Ooh. Pete's back from Ingles. He's was so tanned. I just love his college-shirt.
09.15 Break
I found a fantastic picture from Ok Magazine. I love Morten! He's soo cuute!

9.30 Swedish
*writing Pete pete pete pete in the calendar*
10.15 Break
Ooo! He has a Honda Monkey. Did you see, Pete's got a monkey! Squee!

10.30 Physics
*writing a "this week's list of cute boys"
11.15 Lunch
I'm so fat. I'll eat just the soup.
OMG! Pete's sitting there!

11.45 Arts
12.30 Break
Did you hear that Duran song? It was so weird. It must be that Bond-thing. And they were wearing some odd cloaks or something.

12.45 Arts
*drawing a plan drawing of Pete's home*
13.30 Break
Karate Kid was the best movie ever! That Ralph Macchio is so yummy. It was sooo cuute when he was standing on one leg.

13.45 Biology
*writing a poem*

14.30 *stalking Pete and walking back to home*
15.00 *brushing a pony*
15.30 *riding a pony*
16.30 *brushing a pony and shoveling some sh*t*

17.00 I'm not eating anything. That's for sure! I'm fat.
17.15 *doing some Principal workout*
17.30 Homework
17.45 *reading the new copy of Smash Hits*

18.00 Kate and Allie
18.30 * having a Mars-bar and a Diet-Coke while watching The Cosby Show*
19.00 *reading Bravo-magazine. Don't understand German. Staring at the pictures. Clipping the pictures out*
19.30 *playing with the cat*
19.45 *eating some candies and chocolate*
20.00 Dynasty
20.45 I'm so fat. *drinking water*
What should I wear tomorrow?

21.00 *recording Take on me from radio to the cassette.
21.15 I must definitely see Back to the Future.
21.30 *watching Chariots of Fire from tv *2
23.00 *in bed reading The Valley of the Horses*
23.30 I love Jondalar!
23.59 I wonder what Pete is wearing tomorrow?

It definitely was something like that.
The diary and the calendars in the photo are real.
I couldn't read them.
I saw the carefully mastered plan drawing though.
That was so Sue White. [My life hasn't changed much.]

1 Yes, I started to drink coffee at the age of five. Might explain a lot.
2 Oh, those times with two TV channels!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Superlon Mystery 13½: Sleepless in Superlon

Stejar Strahl: Once upon a time there was a sorcerer, who had a hut made of ice.
One day a tiny bunny visited him and suddenly made some tiny droppings on the telly...

Eiseemi Laxi: ZZZZZZZ...

Stejar Strahl couldn't sleep.

Or was he asleep? Was this just a deam? What was going on? He thought someone stared at him.
Stejar Strahl looked out.
He saw a man walking with a cat.
He saw a taxi-driver sitting in his car.
A young couple ate some pizza slices.
Everything was fine.

But he didn't know where they were and where they should go.
How did the game end?
Why were they in the hotel, in this strange town?
Why did he saw the blue octopus?

To be continued...

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

13 years

the Foxes hold a family conference.

Thesis: Taiga t Fox is messy.
Opponent: No I'm not. My eyes are just selective.
I wipe off the qualities that do not give pleasure to the senses
and concentrate on the beauteous.
Motto: If you want it clean, go get the cleaner.

Thesis: Our place is messed up. Taiga t Fox has got too much stuff.
Opponent: No it isn't. It is just slightly Chekhovian.
I sold 200 books already, do you want to suck me dry?
Motto: Without lots of stuff, Superlon would vanish - puff!

Thesis: Taiga t Fox is unpractical.
Opponent: Touché.
: Who wants to open the windows anyway? I'd rather learn how to do this

: Mr. Fox is the master of the universe of forgetting.
Opponent: Access denied.
Motto: Deleted.
Evidence ( from this week):
- forgot the oil
- forgot where the window opener was
- forgot the cheese in the bag for 4 days [I'm not eating that by the way]
- forgot where he put the ice picks [ naturally in the sock box and I did saw them in the candy box earlier]
- forgot to ask me if I'd want the other ticket
- forgot to get into the last bus and forgot to put the alarm on [Ha ha! Knock knock! Silence in the court room!]
- forgot how fast Taiga t Fox is to learn things

Without a murmur, the penalty is, guess what?

Look how nice embroidery I learned to do while you were away:

Monday, March 13, 2006

Monday 13th

Last night, when the kids were sleeping, Mr. Fox and I were sitting at our computers.
I got mail from British Sitcom Guide. That was very nice, because I think I'm banned everywhere else.
I tried to read Not 4'33'' all day, but all I got was this lousy message: You are not authorized to view this page.
Damn nurses.
Damn Chernobyl. I realized it is the reason why I am like this.

Me: Oh, look at this photo.
Mr. Fox: Jesus.
Me: Not quite.
Mr. Fox: He looks like a doorstop.
I don't want to publish my toughts.
Mr. Fox: Do you want some popcorn?
Me: That'd be nice.

I'm staring at the photo, Mr.Fox comes back.
Mr. Fox: Remind me to go back to the kitchen.
Me: Okay. ( What did he say? )
Mr. Fox wanders around and sits back at the computer.
Mr: Fox: Remember when we were listening this in some party in -95 or was it -96? I didn't remember it was that good.
Me: Erm, no. What's the name of the band?
Mr. Fox: Jesus!
Me: No, sorry, I don't remember.
Mr. Fox: The oil!
Me: Jesus the oil?

He was already in the kitchen. The kettle was on fire. Smoke everywhere.
I tried to open the windows.
He found the blanket.
(Thanks mom for the Christmas present. It was hot. Could we have a popcorn machine next year?)
Me: Where's the window opener?
Mr.Fox: Somewhere there. *pointing towards the cupboard*
Me: Okay. ( We had new windows a while ago and never opened them before)
I tried to find the missing thing, but I could find a long lost Duran badge (!), once very needed birthday candles and a mysterious wooden stick.

Mr. Fox: Open the balcony glazing!
Me: How? (We got new glazing, what was it, two years ago)
I manage to open it somehow. Mr. Fox carries the kettle, which is on fire again.
Mr. Fox: The window opener must be under the sink.
He finds it, I drop the iron on my toe.
He opens the windows.
I bang my head on the hanging flower pot.
Smoke's finally gone.
No popcorn.
Boys are awake.
I feel cold.
Damn Chernobyl.
I picture a nice book title in my mind: How to flambee your house in three easy steps.

Kids fall asleep.
There's no smoke in the air, but my clothes stink very smoky indeed.
Mr. Fox: Do you still want popcorn?
Me: Yes please.
Mr. Fox goes into the kitchen and comes back.
Mr. Fox: Well, if I forget them again, bugger, we don't have to do any wallpapering. Didn't you want something darker?

We ate the bloody popcorn. We watched the bloody Emmerdale while eating. He bloody fell asleep on the sofa. We have been together far too long.

Woke up early. Received mail from some bloke(?) called Pito announcing: You 2 small.
Tried to read some blogs, with no luck so far: HTTP Error 403 - Forbidden .
What the heck, I tought, I could go and relax tonight.
Early in the Friday morning I was standing half an hour in -15° C
and finally got two tickets for tonights Danko Jones gig.

Am I there just now?
No, Mr. Fox took his friend with him.
(A friend who's born in Berlin and loves Gewurtztraminer, by the way.)

No, no and no. I am at home learning embroidery. And quess what,

Continues soonish

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Superlon Mystery 13: Sherry Blossom Whirl

Put the fish in middle of the UFO. Turn the wheel on.

Choose your character:

1. plinky potatohead
2. squeezed egg
3. coinbanger
4. elf


Try to grab as much of cow wool as you can, it might be useful or not, you never know.
If you chose to be a potatohead, be kind to the girl with the frying pan.
If you are a smashed egg, you're quite done. Sorry.
If you like to bang coins, follow the lion. Remember to avoid the fake ones.
If you are an elf, you have to find a field with lots of snow. Roll over until you feel dizzy.

Mind the meteorites and constantly falling spaceflags.

Try to be the first. Ask Sherry Blossom your question.
The answer will appear over her head.

To be continued...

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Friday, March 10, 2006

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Superlon Mystery 12: He Still Hasn't Found What He's Cooking For...


There was a red door in front of the two explorers.
Eiseemi Laxi opened it and what they saw, was a desert.

Man: Welcome to the Desert of the Blessed Hatzubih.
Stejar Starhl: Pardon?
Man: I am Mimmo Hekko and this is my lovely companion Tidzi the Tinker.
Stejar Starhl: We came here actually accidentally. Could you tell us where's Superlon?
Mimmo Hekko: Supélon, oh Supélon, the house of Boutelon. My cousin, Hemmo Mikko lives there.
Stejar Strahl: Hemmo Mikko! He moved to Sweden with his ponylove.
Eiseemi Laxi: Forget the tubby tubaplayer, I'm starving!
Mimmo Hekko: Oh, how rude we were. Would you like something to eat?
Tidzi the Tinker:We've got fishballs on fire and Appleknockers quark for dessert .

Stejar Strahl: Well thank you, it was er.. excellent.
Eiseemi Laxi: Burb!
Stejar Strahl: Have you seen any missing turtles or shiny rings here?
Mimmo Hekko: Oh no, but the Rabbitholder of the Boily Hudda said you must find the fish first.
Stejar Strah: What fish?
Mimmo Hekko: The fish first found in fishers hat.
Eiseemi Laxi: It's in me pocket!

Mimmo Hekko: Great. Put the fish in the United Fixing Operator- machine and start the game!

To be continued...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Hats we are wearing

is for Jamiroquai

Idea stolen from patroclus.

Footnotes to the previous post

Bonus Tip

If you are feeling cold, like the flu might hit you in any minute,
do NOT
have a diet like I did yesterday:

1½ l mineral water
2 teaspoons of Vitamin C
½ packet of German Raspberry & Creme candies
Jamaican rice'n beans
1 garlic

It makes you:
feel restless
feel young and old at the same time
write stupid things
behave in odd and obsessive manners

And instead of writing / working you end up reading about strange hats with gestalt, invisible watches with flies wildly undone , Kojo "rogue" Annan and Albert the Lonely Post & his friends.

But anyway, if I didn't scare you far away
I wish you all a very nice, warm and lovely International Women's Day!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I know the day I am going to die

Conversation involved in today:

J (5) singing I like to move it move it
Me: How do you know that?
J: Just know ( looking at me in a peculiar way)
Me: Did you have a nice day?
J: Yes. We were flanging
Me: What's that?
J: Mother, it just is. Oh well, you don't know.

Wow. Words not familiar to me are starting to appear. I still don't know what flanging is. Something not adulty.
Afterwards J draw this boogie disco thing:

Conversation heard today between A (3) and his friend T (3):

A: I could visit you some day.
T: Okay. I don't know if we're at home on weekend.
A: Have you got babies toys or have you got big boys toys?
T: I've got transformers.
A: Are they from your childhood times?

I am old.I am not a teenager. But I could be. You don't know if I had lied.
Actually I'm just 19 ( I could have a 5- year-old son or could I?)
But no, I am not.
I saw a GW teaser showing pale legs in white long socks.
What did I do? Did I jump up and down and shout:

Squee! Yay! OMG Legs legs!
No. I felt like I was an old man peeping at schoolgirls. (This probably wasn't the intention.)
But then I came into my senses.
a) I'm not an old man (altough I might be and you didn't know that)
b) he's not a schoolgirl
and what was c?
I don't remember. I just heard a snap crackle and pop coming from my head and I'm not eating any rice crispies. Or am I?

Curiosity killed the cat, but confusion don't kill the fox. I've still got totally messy 51 years left.

I recieved an e-mail today and did the test. (It's in Finnish, but it is from web pages of Helsingin Sanomat (newspaper), so it must be a very reliable test indeed)
I got the result:

You're going to die on Monday 26th of November 2057.

Oh my. Did I put the kettle on?

Monday, March 06, 2006

Superlon Mystery 11: Superlonian homesick blues in Pandalanda

Inspector Strahl and fisher Laxi jumped in to the double-decked watering can.
The Lady of Doorset opened it's mouth and sucked the fellow partners inside.


Stejar Strahl: All I can see is nothing!
Eiseemi Laxi: I think I saw a salmon!
Stejar Strahl: I wish we were back to dear old Blighty!
Eiseemi Laxi: I wish I had some Hobnobs!

Lady of the Doorset spat them out.

Dear slighty old Hob: Welcome to Pandalanda!
Dear slighty old Nob: We're the dear, slightly old librarians. How can we help you?
Stejar Strahl: We want to find our way back home.
Dear slighty old Hob: Easily done. Just hop in to the cage and think of the question.
Dear slighty old Nob: We upload all the information needed.
Dear slighty old Hob: Just don't say a thing!

The librarians of the Pandalanda searched for the useful information:
L´musique Elevator vol 2
The Mists of Pandalon
How do you know it's time to feed the lizard
The Girly Glue
The Essential Knowledge of Nothing
The Return of the Lama

Dear slighty old Hob: It's done. Were almost out of the Shark Jaws, so be careful and be quiet.
Stejar Strahl: Oukki Doukki!
Dear slighty old Nob: Think the Question Now!
Stejar Strahl: Where's home? Why am I allergic to daisies?... HaaZZHUh! HatZuh!
Eiseemi Laxi: Bless you!
Dear slighty old Hob: OH NO!


To be continued...

NB. Patroclus! The whereabouts-name is in the photo.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

The lost episode of Lost

All alone again...
Oh bugger, the beach was better after all.

...wait, oh no, there's a mysterious hatch
in the ice

First polarbears, then black stallions and

OMG it's the others!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Friday 3rd

I had a weird dream.
I was standing in a shiny, white, empty room.
In the middle of it was one of those lovely baths with lion paws. The whole bath tub was filled with melted chocolate and there was my friend bathing in it, completely naked.

She laughed at me and suddenly her face turned into my old friends face.
( She was my good friend at the university, but suddenly she quite lost it and had an idea I was sort of an enemy and she broke up with me. She looks bit like JRT's girlfriend, which isn't important, but I just had to say it. )
Well she stood up, and shouted at me that I should help her with the laundry, or otherwise she would tell the police I stole a pair of pink Emma chairs from her.
( I didn't )
I woke up and realised I had a laundry-day.

But first I had to visit the office, where I completely lost my nerves.
Stupid money-talk and so on, but it was their mistake and now I have to suffer.
There I was shouting like a maniac and the lady behind the desk seemed to enjoy of it.
The bastard.
I would have drowned her in the melted chocolate, but I bet she would have enjoyed of that too.

So I came back home and had a horrible desire to smoke ( it's 14 months sice I quitted up smoking).
Instead of it I ate a giant chocolate bar and felt miserable.
Week ago I had quite nice news that one of my photos was chosen as a web card. I told about it to my mum. The response was: aha. Nothing else.
I told Mr. Fox, who said sarcastically: It was the camera taking the photo, not you.
Yes my photos are crabby, but couldn't they just have said something like: Well done, old chap, cheerio and hurrah!
But no, there I was thinking of all the lost relationships and so-called friends I used to have.

Suddenly I noticed I hadn't taken the dog out. It was bloody slippery outside and of course I fell down and lost the dog.
And yes, the dog is in heat. I tried to ran after, but then I saw how my lovely doggy tried to shag one small dog.
SHE is fast like a greyhound and very stubborn, so it took a while until I got them separated.
The tiny male papillon was shaking after the attack of our lady bastard, which is a very charming mixture of these breeds: Siberian husky, Siberian laika and Carelian beardog.
They would have made some lovely puppies, but fortunately she is quite
confused of her sexual identity.

We came back home and the dog tried to shag our cat, which didn't quite like the cross-genre lesbian sex, because she threw up on the carpet.

Instead of writing some proper things I should have done, I ended up writing some stupid comments on blogs. My sincere apologies again.
And I didn't have time for laundry, because it was time to pick up the kids.

J had been fighting with a boy, who had hit him with a rake. Happily it wasn't a snow shovel.

On the way home I almost crashed the car ( it was slippery, as I told you ) with a police car and a funeral car.
Yes, that would have been quite handy, but happily I can add the word 'almost' in this sentence.

We came home and I was stopped by the neighbour downstairs.
She said that Mr. Fox had tried to rang me several times.
I took the phone from my bag and noticed it still hade the silent profile on
( I was shouting in the office, remember).

There were 27 missed calls and 7 text-messages.
6 of them were from Mr.Fox, 17 (and all the texts) from my mother, 2 from my mother-in-law and the rest from the emergency exchange.

Yes, I'm 33 years old.
I told my mother yesterday I felt quite dizzy, so she tought I had a stroke or something, because I didn't answer the bloody phone in 4 hours.
My mother-in-law almost had a heart-attack.
And Mr. Fox didn't call the police to open the door, like my mom wanted to.
Otherwise they would have found me doing some breeding of cats and dogs.
But they care after all and I don't have to eat more chocolate.

I just found a rotten slice of tomato stuffed in my trousers, which I haven't used since November. I'm doing the laundry now.

After the kids are in the bed I am so going to open the bottle of Rosemount Estate.
But what should I watch with it?
Tv1: Another Life (Britannia 2001)
Tv2: Law and Oder *
MTV3: Sports talk show
Channel4: The Sweetest Thing (USA 2002)
SubTv: Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps
BBC Prime: Little Britain

Or The Trench. I hate war movies, but I bought it because JRT is in it. And now I can't watch it, because I hate war movies and I like him more in the long hair.
So shallow I am. **

Or then I just drink the wine and make more stupid comments on blogs.

* I'm quite blind and can't see the misspellings I make. This I noticed, but try to imagine it's Arnold Schwarzepepper pronouncing.

** I'm not a teenager, just stupid. Sigh.

Superlon Mystery 10: Limp My Ride

Stejar Starhl: What's wrong, buddy?
You're shaking like an empty suitcase.
Do you need a jumper?

Eiseemi Laxi: I see showjumpers already, thank you.

Pony in pink: Dear wanderers, what are your wonders?
Stejar Starhl: Who are you? Where are we? Do I like bananas? Will I ever live in a palace?
Pony in pink: We are the Champignons. The tally-ho of the Truffle-players.
Pony with wings: You are in the Forest of Fungus.
Pony with big pasterns: No and no. You will end up living in a very mushy room.

Eiseemi Laxi: Stop speaking, silly shiitake! I can't think.
Pony quite translucent: You will find your way in the mouth.
Stejar Strahl: Mouth?
Pony with big pasterns: The answers are in the mouth.
Just set your faces towards the Lady of Doorset.
The double-decked watering can will do the rest.

To be continued...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I see seeds...

...all over my place. I just noticed I haven't done any sowings this year and it might be too late for chili already. Great.
So I opened the box, actually three of them (ahem) and this is what I found: 267 packets of seeds. I have a faintest idea of someone calling me silly, but I really didn't remember having so many of them. An announcement: I shall be called Taiga the Squirrel from now on.


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Superlon Mystery 9:Pet shop Bobs

Kamikase MacRaeven pushed the two lurkers through the door.

East End Bob: Welcome to the Museum of Cultural Consumption. Free entrance, buy some junk.
Perhaps a genuine bracelet made of brisky builders ribs?

Stejar Strahl: We're looking for a lost treasure...
East End Bob: Oh, Jones and Gyver-men then. West End Bob knows better the vintage stuff, but he's fallen in the black grouse's pit and will be lifted up as soon as the spring comes.

Eiseemi Laxi: Turtles?
East End Bob: I'm sorry, we ran out of Donatellos ages ago.
How about some chiken little's quaranteed flu-free but still crispy wings?

Stejar Strahl: No thank you.
East End Bob: Bye-bye then if you don't buy anything.
I'll have to cut up pieces for the meals of sorrow.
Principal isn't happy because somebedy let all our ranga-tangas free.

To be continued...