Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Birth of Väinamöinen

Today it is Kalevala's Day and Finnish Culture Day .
Yes, that's true, Complete Superlon isn't Finnish National Epic (yet). Here's a short caption from Kalevala, which inspired also Tolkien, C.S.Lewis and many more.

Thus created were the islands,
Rocks were fastened in the ocean,
Pillars of the sky were planted,
Fields and forests were created,
Checkered stones of many colors,
Gleaming in the silver sunlight,
All the rocks stood well established;
But the singer, Wainamoinen,
Had not yet beheld the sunshine,
Had not seen the golden moonlight,
Still remaining undelivered.
Wainamoinen, old and trusty,
Lingering within his dungeon
Thirty summers altogether,
And of winters, also thirty,
Peaceful on the waste of waters,
On the broad-sea's yielding bosom,
Well reflected, long considered,
How unborn to live and flourish
In the spaces wrapped in darkness,
In uncomfortable limits,
Where he had not seen the moonlight,
Had not seen the silver sunshine.
Thereupon these words be uttered,
Let himself be heard in this wise:
"Take, O Moon, I pray thee, take me,
Take me, thou, O Sun above me,
Take me, thou O Bear of heaven,
From this dark and dreary prison,
From these unbefitting portals,
From this narrow place of resting,
From this dark and gloomy dwelling,
Hence to wander from the ocean,
Hence to walk upon the islands,
On the dry land walk and wander,
Like an ancient hero wander,
Walk in open air and breathe it,
Thus to see the moon at evening,
Thus to see the silver sunlight,
Thus to see the Bear in heaven,
That the stars I may consider."

( The Kalevala
by Elias Lönnrot
Translated by John Martin Crawford

Monday, February 27, 2006

Superlon Mystery 8: Kimi Kimi Kimi the man of sunny midnight

Inspector Strahl and fisherman Laxi kept on following the formula one vechile.
They were not very keen on meeting any man-eating polar people after all.
Finally they saw a huge icewhite house covered with snow.
It was very cubical from outside and it was very quiet inside.

Kamikase MacRaeven: Hello. Do you want any bubblery drink?
Stejar Strahl: Thank you.
Kamikase MacRaeven: Beware the ice, man.
Stejar Strahl: Ice?
Kamikase MacRaeven: Trust no ladies with carrots.
They make you eat beetles poo, red snot and Sardin 'n butter.
That's what my furry kitty eats, not me.

Stejar Strahl: Oh, fine looking kitten you've got there, mr MacRaeven.

Kamikase MacRaeven: I'm at home on the dancing floor.
I'm the best knife on the parquet.
Do you want me to sing my song to you?

Stejar Strahl: That would be just lovely.
Kamikase MacRaeven: Strawberries are finding we, I wonder what's gonna happen.
Oh-ou, here it starts again.
Lady carries a log and walks me trough the fog.
She makes me feel the moment...

Eiseemi Laxi: Now stop the karaoke. Have you seen any lost turtles here?
Kamikase MacRaeven: How would I know? I'm not your mother.
Ask the boy of my pet shop.
To be continued...

Ok, I told lies...

It was just white and blue.
Here I was with two kids, one dog and one bad book. No internet, just one voiceless telly.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Battery's empty.

Just in case somebody's visiting this site I pushed the pause button.

Bedevilment from Hellsinki continues on Monday or so.

It's all black now, believe me. It's all Blaack.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Superlon Mystery 7: Hey-hey, are you ready to play? It's time to come and play with the Reindeers!

Finally the fellow partners reached their destination.
Inspector Strahl saw a young boy watching the ferries passing by.

Stejar Strahl: Hasta manana! How can we find your king?
Boy: The king? We don't have any kings here. We have a carroty-headed nice lady president.
Stejar Strahl: Oh well, do you know where we could meet the red-headed girl?
Boy: The red-headed curling team?

Stejar Strah: Does your mother know that you’re out?
Boy: Yes, my mom Smelly Clarabelle and I just ate fish fingers and drank some yellow cat-juice.
Stejar Strah: Please please tell me now, is there herring anywhere?
Boy: No, but I saw a shark without jaws. He came from Sweden just like you did.
Stejar Strah: Where are we?
Boy: Welcome to Finland, the land of the thousand cakes.

Eiseemi Laxi: That was Abbah, bloody Abbah we were supposed to find!
Stejar Strah: Sorry, I just followed that McLaren.

To be continued...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Superlon Mystery 6: Snoop, foggy frog!

There were no more signs of the green-faced man.
Inspector Strahl decided to visit his cousin, Milady Bleary, the world-famous crystal gazer.

Stejar Strahl: My dear Milady Bleary, it's a pleasure to meet again.
Could you help us to find some precious things we lost?

And one green man, please.
Milady Bleary: Zaba daba dab dub pingel pangel boo, puff!

(Milady Bleary said the magical words which changed her into a toad)

Milady Bleary: Wait... I see sticky hooves...
I see shiny pants...
I see one roasted kanga...
I see an Old Honitonian fancying Motörhead ... *
I see seafood...

Eiseemi Laxi: That's me turtle! Is he okay?
Milady Bleary: No, I see no turtles, I see Abba...
Eiseemi Laxi: Tuna?
Milady Bleary: No, I see herring and one redhead girl with a monkey. You must go to Sweden!

To be continued...

* This is for you, Mr. Foxy

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Superlon Mystery 5: Smells like green spirit

Inspector Strahl and fisher Laxi noticed a tall man sleeping near the statue of "Mari Baa-Baa the wife of villages Sheriff".

Stejar Strahl: Somebody has eaten lots of candy here. No wonder he's sleepy.
Eiseemi Laxi: Wake up you greedy man in glossy suit! Where's me turtle?
Sleepy man: Mummy?
Eiseemi Laxi: Do I look like a mommy to you, you sleepy man in shiny tights?
Sleepy man: No, sergeant, you don't sir.
Eiseemi Laxi: Mothers can't be sergeants.
Sleepy man: Yes they can if they are granny-sergeants.

Eiseemi Laxi: What is your name, you strange man with a mask?
Sleepy man: I'm Sir Thingummy, professor of Mexican sea-archeology.
Stejar Strahl: Did you eat all these sweets?
Sir Thingummy: No, the man with a green face ate them all, left this mess behind and took my treasure with him.
Stejar Strahl: A man with a green face?
Sir Thingummy: Yes, he was huge and all green and left a spoiled egg in my treasure box.
Stejar Strahl: You didn't happen to eat that egg, Sir Farty-Pants?

To be continued...

Monday, February 20, 2006

Superlon Mystery 4: Ne stickers, ne sweets

In the morning Stejar Strahl found a note:
"Dude, we're on ferry to Sweden. Send the ring by post if found. Ta da. Hemmo Mikko."

It was a long journey, but after a week Stejar Strahl and Eiseemi Laxi reached Harewood.

Stejar Strahl: Howdy, we're trying to find a man called Sami "Marsbar" Sticker. Have you seen him?
Munchbox Man: Wi haven't seen stickers heor.

Stejar Strahl: Okay then. Have you got any sweet pudding here?
Munchbox Man: Waad ye leik te tyest wor Roasted Roo?
Stejar Strahl: Er, one fanta, please.
Munchbox Lady: Diwent drink owt or yee will turn te be a warthog.
Stejar Strahl: Any candy then?
Munchbox Man: Someone bowt aal wor candy.
Munchbox Lady: He went tha way.

To be continued...

The mighty ginger

By request, here's Emppu :)

Superlon mystery 3: Ponyroyal Tea

The sticker came from the Ponyroyal Tea, where the Beauty Manager Miss Lunahiss eternized her loyal customers.

Miss Lunahiss: Tea or treat, my Love?
Stejar Strahl: It's that sticker we came to see, actually.
Miss Lunahiss: Oh, he just left.
I looked into his ear, found a tiny hole and some rough brain, and then he left.

Eiseemi Laxi: Sticker has no ears, you silly conehead. Erm, Miss conehead.
Miss Lunahiss: Oh yes, but Sami "Marsbar" Sticker certainly has ears.
Well he just flew away with the pink hot-air balloon.
Stejar Strahl: Where did he go then?
Miss Lunahiss: To the Mandy's Munchbox, I suppose.

Stejar Strahl: Now you musician down there, forget the eyes of your little pony and start the car! We're heading towards Harewood!

To be continued...

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Superlon mystery 2: Stik's sticky pony

Soon they all saw the farmer Simo Stik crying in his backyard.

Stejar Strahl: What's wrong, you fellow farmer?
Simo Stik: Somebody's smashed my prize-winning artichokes!
Eiseemi Laxi: Forget the stupid girasol, I want me turtle back.

Stejar Strahl: Have you seen anything suspicious around?
Simo Stik: I was combing my pony to be ready for Junior Handler and there was a sticker in her hoof.
Stejar Strahl: A sticker?
Simo Stik: Yes. There was a text in it: Walk properly, carry a pillow.

To be continued...

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Mystery in the village of Superlon ( Part 1 )

Village fisher Eiseemi Laxi (formerly known as local robot)
and his friend, music teacher Hemmo Mikko were terrified.

Hemmo Mikko: "Oh my, I have lost my magical diamond ring! "
Eiseemi Laxi: "I just woke up with a fish in me head but my turtle's gone! "

Inspector Stejar Strahl held up the traffic.

Stejar Strahl: "This must be a giant robbery, in our beloved village.
Early in the morning I opened my fridge.

Instead of butter there were dentures of a shark.
This mystery must be solved! "

To be continued...

NB. All the fancy toys and characters are property of Johan and Anton, the Sons of the Fox.
Photo and translation by Taiga the Fox.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Dr. Tollo

Son of the Fox Playground proudly Presents:

Dr. Tollo

J: This is the famous Dr. Tollo
A. Is the fish in the wardrobe?
J: No, because the seagull ate it.
A. Oh look, there are frogs hanging in the tree.
J. I'm going to go to the castle, ride a bit and win a maiden. Then I'm marrying her. Or mother.
A. I'm going to marry the grandfather's clock.

Odd Champs. vol 3: Wife Carrying

The World Wife Carrying Championship

We Finns have been wife-carrying since the late 1800's when
it was quite normal to steal women from the neighbouring villages. Today we carry wifes every summer in Sonkajärvi.

The minimum weight of the wife to be carried is 49 kilos.
If the weight is less than 49 kilos, the wife will be burdened with a heavy rucksack. Blimey.
If a contestant drops his wife, that couple will be fined 15 seconds per drop. Nice one.

The track is 253.5 meters long, partially sand, grass and asphalt. Don't drop her there. There's also about one meter deep water obstacle. If you are the wife, learn to swim.

Besides Wife Carrying Triathlon, also Team Competition is held. Three men carry the wife in turns and at the exchange point the carrier has to drink the official wife carrying drink.

Dennis Rodman participated last year. When is your turn? If you can beat the Estonians you will win the first price: the wife's weight in beer. Bottom's up!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Odd Champs Vol 2. World Air Guitar Championships

Some wise words from the organisers:
"The air guitar philosophy is that all the bad things in the world will vanish, if everybody in the world plays the air guitar."

Rule N:o 1. The instrument must be invisible. O.K. More here

The 10 th Anniversary World Championships were held in Oulu last August.
The Results:
1. Michael "Destroyer" Heffels (Holland)
2. Giesela "Gizzy Guitar" Visser (New Zealand)
3. Gyuri "Pelvis Fenderbender" Vergouw (Holland)

The Winner received a handmade Flying Finn guitar and a very special amplifier designed and donated by Queen guitarist Brian May.
Forget the sports and raise your Fenders!

Green Wing Relief

Hello, my name is Taiga the Fox and I might have a slightest obsession.

( just rehearsing for the anonymous GreenWingers meeting )

Thank you Cubehouselj for these

I'm too old for this and I should do something seriously adulty things and actually I've got loads to do, but still I am thinking of this minor thing I noticed:

In GW there is a character called Harriet Schulenburg and irl assistant to producer is Patrick Shulenburg . How do you spell Schulenburg?

Another secretary character is Kim Alabaster. Irl production accountant is Sarah Alabaster. AND the production manager is called Rachel Alabaster. Is she Naughty Rachel ( an another secretary in the series)?

I also noticed from IMDB that there are really actors called:
Boyce or Alan Boyce
Sue White
and Karen Ball

Can't be just coincidence?
Well, this made me happy and just don't know how sad is that :)

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Yesterday he learned how to wink

Sturdy princess

The girl with emerald eyes

You cannot resist me
but I can

Johan, 5, composed this song for the guitar.

I wonder what kind of a teenager he's going to be. Just about 8 years to go...

A toast to Pip

Today was the second time I saw Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité.
I have used approximately 26 hours of my life watching
the most underestimated tv-series ever
I could have spent that time for knitting, scubadiving or ironing, but I feel no quilt and I would do it again.

*clink clink*

Here's a toast for the most wittiest and quirkiest character with non-acceptable personality, ever.
Here's another for the foppish hair, with or without a rambling rat.
Rest in peace inspector Pippin. I would blow rectanqular bubbles for you. May your chicken imitation be with us.
I leave you ( and make no slips because you're pure fiction )

And for fox sake Fox what you did. This irritated fox has nothing to do with that toughtless Fox.
* stops pouring the wine*


Friday, February 10, 2006

Odd Champs vol 1. Annual Mobile-phone throwing

Well, the Olympics started today in Torino. I'm not particulary sporty at all and might not know anything about the winter sports.
But for honouring the Games, I'm trying to find out what slightly odd championships there are organized in Finland.

Some boring Facts:
If you already didn't know, NOKIA isn't just the world's biggest mobile-phone maker.
It's also a city in Finland and the roots of the famous phones ( and rubber boots ) lie on the Nokia River.

Already in 1981 NMT (Nordic Mobile Telephony System) was launched for the public in Finland and other Nordic countries. Even the text message was invented by a Finn.
More than 90 percent of the Finns owns a mobile phone, so maybe because already bored of them, we have invented this nice little summer game.

My boring opinion being bored of the phones:

I usually hate my phone. It never rings when wanted and when you want to sleep it wakes you up. Every time you really need your phone the batteries are empty. The phone is too easy to be eaten by a dog or a toddler.
Mr. Fox has dropped one in the swimming-pool. It didn't recover in the sauna. The new one was swimming in the pint of lager. So they are not waterproof, extreme heat-proof and they freeze in -25º degrees.
Besides any Crazy Frog ringtone is a good reason to throw your mobile away.

If you want to participate in the mobile hurling:

The annual Mobile-phone throwing competition gathers the worlds best mobile phone throwers every August to the small town called Savonlinna.

There are several categories:

1.Traditional: "over the shoulder" throw, just lenght of the throw matters

2. Freestyle: lenght, style, aesthetics and creative choreographics

3. Junior

2005 winner Mikko Lampi heaved a Siemens AG phone 94.97 meters (103.86 yards) and set a world record.
The prize for throwing his phone the farthest was a new phone. Blimey.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Sleep tight, my baby, mother's not going to burn you

My son learned how to read just after his 5th birthday. He reads everything he sees around. When we walked to the shop a while ago he was asking me questions like these:
Mother, What is a fucking cunt? (written on the wall)
Mother, do we buy Karjala? ( a beer brand)
Mother, when am I going to die?
He was reading the headlines of the afternoon-paper:
"... buried the girl killed by his brother"

Here are some headlines of the afternoon-paper posters he might have read recently:

Father was killed
Man lost in poker and tried to burn his family
This is the suspect of the cutting-up-murders
Brother searched his murdered sister
9-year old girl murdered - the whole village cried
Single-mother shot on her way to work
Police fired to kill
Father killed his children during the breakfast
Mother burned his children and herself

Two days ago he asked me a question while I was brushing his teeth.
Son: Are you really my mother?
Me: yes I am
Son: Okay then ( looking very doubtful)

What was he thinking?
Mother, are you going to kill me now?

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Confessions in the fox earth

I started to wonder what's wrong with me. I saw a nice press photo of a handsome man with a bottle of transparent liquid in his hand. It is water of course, but I saw instantly a bottle of vodka. Why is that so?

Because I'm a Finn. I am obviously not used to see a man with a bottle of water because in Finland people tend to have vodka or other transparent spirits in their pocket flasks. And how sad is that.

Some facts about Finland:
In Finland we have lots of lakes (187 888).
Almost every Finn has a sauna.
We have lots and lots of hard, I mean really hard, swearwords.
We have very high quantity use of depression medicals and coffee.
Our suicide rate is the second highest in Europe.

On average every Finn consumes almost 1 litres of vodka every week.
And that is true.

Alcohol kills about 3,000 Finns every year. About 400 Finns die of alcohol poisoning each year, it's almost as much people killed annually in road accidents in Finland.

A while ago I saw a glimpse of a BBC World broadcasting, where they showed some very drunken youths wandering around the streets of Helsinki. I read also an article where it was said that normally boys tend to drink more than girls. Only in the Isle of Man, Finland, and Norway the gender distribution is about equal. Now I start to understand why I find the Fast Show so funny. We're from the Isle of Man.

We don't tend to drink just one glass of wine or a bottle of beer. We buy a twelve-pack of beer ("a dachshund") and drink it in the park, in the streets, in the train. There's no shame in public drunkenness. Then we go to the pre-party, drink some more and AFTER that we go to the bar. A popular (read: only) way of enjoying alcohol is to drink until you collapse.

Then the confession: I can't drink anymore.
When I was about 20-something I could drink a half a bottle of Fernet Branca and have party afterwards. Not anymore.

A year ago I was in a bar with Mr.Fox and his friend who offered me several shots. I drank them all and then collapsed several times to strange gateways.
Finally I sat front of the very public building, where I used to work previously. I sat in their bed of flowers and waved madly to my son's godfathers, who were sitting in a glass-walled restaurant front of us.
Day after I had to take my jacket to the dry-cleaners and since then I've tried to keep on drinkin a glass of chianti instead.

So even if I see vodka instead of water, I have no longer finnish drinking habits.
Maybe I'm not a Finn after all. I don't even fancy ice-hockey.
Oh bugger.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

The sons of the fox made no sense

It was over -20º C and we dag holes into the snow. The boys decided that one was a hole of two bears and the other was a pizza-oven. Afterwards I listened to them chatting in their room.

A (3 years) : I´m Matti Vanhanen. *
J (5 years) : You´re pressing fish-sausages.
A: I eat owl´s feathers.
J: Your mattress is a tart.
A: It´s not a tart, it is a swiss roll with a magnet.

A: They´re dropping letters and rubbery stickers from the theatre´s office.
J: The yodelers catch them with chocolate hats and skate away with car-saws to the mountains to meet the eels.
J: One skunk is stinky and Uncle Albes yodles and begins to like it.

A: The octopus lives in the swamps with bacteria.
J: Spider chopped pieces from the rock with his head and eats them.
A: And rest of it will be used to build a pyramid with a puppet-theatre.
J: The play shall be called The chocolate-glazed tin of pineapple.

A is no longer intrested and bangs swedish coins with a plastic hammer.

* The prime minister of Finland

Friday, February 03, 2006


I was quite suprised to notice there are almost one hundred synonymes for dry frozen snow in finnish. And over one hundred words for snowfall. But today it didn´t snow and we spent our day playing in the puffery snow, in höttyrälumi. Boys wanted to build a snow castle, but unfortunately we just have to look at them in these amazing pictures. Beautiful, isn´t it?