Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Finglish for Nyypiös

Pirskatti, uus heerkatti!

The sentence above, written in somewhat old Finglish, means something like: Crickey, a new haircut! Old Finglish originated amongst the first and second generation Finnish immigrants in USA and Canada, but today's Finnish is more or less filled with these words of New Finglish. Although it is suggested that Finnish is particularly tricky language to learn, it might be now easier for you native English speakers. I leave you to speculate it with this homework. Kamoon, fill in the missing translations, it is completely iisii.

nyypiö = a newbie
tsekata = to check (out)*
staili = a style*
streitti = straight / heterosexual*
biitsi = a beach **
giiggi = a ?
kreisi = crazy*
steissi = a ?
räppi = a rap**
vörkkiä = to work (out)*
klikata = to click *
hevijuuseri = a heavy-user *
hengata = to hang out ***
seivata = to save *

Foxvision Translation Contest official glory points:
* 12 Points to BiB
** 10 Points to Anonymous
*** 8 points to Marsha Klein

Sunday, January 28, 2007

My third day of the sick leave

It's not that bad. Although I may not be able to make mezzotint or sink my hands into the soil anymore, I've been busy drinking hot chocolate with Cointreau, building snowmen, drinking mango lassis and being a tourist in my own city.

Friday, January 26, 2007

It's about time

T Fox: I wonder if I would have been able to help that Arizonian Googler, trying to find an answer to his question "slippery road, horse stuck?" from my blog.
Mr Time: It's too late. He won't come back.
T Fox: Hopefully the horse is fine.
Mr Time: Don't know about that, but you aren't.
T Fox: Oh, it's you. I have something to ask.
Mr Time: Go on, then. I've got plenty of time, unlike you.

T Fox: Well, that is bit related to my question. How come time flies?
Mr Time: You couldn't invent more unoriginal question, could you?
T Fox: Remember, before I was 30, I thought I could do anything I'd want. You know, have time for everything and similiar.
Mr Time: Yes. And?
T Fox: When I had the cubs, I thought I could go on with my previous life when they get bit older...
Mr Time: And you figured out you can't.
T Fox: Well, it takes still 14 years until A is 18... and I am then [counts vigorously] 48!
Mr Time: And then somebody's probably pondering would you prefer a table clock or a week in Las Palmas as your 50th Birthday present.
T Fox: Stop it!
Mr Time: Okay [sulks]

T Fox: I was just wondering if that really was right, that Do it today, not tomorrow-thing?
Mr Time: More clichés? Yes that is true. Remember how you didn't have that portrait taken of you when you were around your twenties?
You thought you'd look exactly the same for long enough to...
T Fox: [sigh]
Mr Time: And now your future grandchildren will think you have always looked like a mixture of a citrus fruit and a fat onion.
T Fox: [sigh]

Mr Time: Remember how you promised your son you'd do that finger painting tomorrow?
T Fox: Yes..
Mr Time: And after that tomorrow, it was again tomorrow, and after that tomorrow you said tomorrow...
T Fox: Okay. I got it. I have to do that before it's too late. Before he is too old and all he wants to paint are some tags on the trains... I will do it tomorrow.
Mr Time: No you won't.
T Fox: Excuse me?
Mr Time: It's too late. Tomorrow you can't paint anymore.
T Fox: What?
Mr Time: Nor can you have a splish splash in the water. Or dig any soil without gloves. You can forget the gardening now.
T Fox: That can't be true. Or can it?
But time didn't tell.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

At the age of 22 T. Fox makes a courbette

Mr Fox: How much time do we have left?
T Fox: Half an hour, just and just. Our train leaves at five. Track two, Südbahnhof.
Mr Fox: So we have time to buy... Südbahnhof?
T Fox: And this is Westbahnhof. Run!
.... Hey, man there, yes you! Is the Südbahnhof far away?
Hans-Jürgen Huberübergrueger: Sehr.
Mr Fox: Take the map! Hurry!
T Fox finds the map, runs, reads, speculates, jumps, turns right and left and whines.
Mr Fox: You can stop the whining [edited version], I can see the station. Unbelievable! We did it!
T Fox: I am quite good at reading maps.
Mr Fox: Wait... let me see that map.
T Fox: Sure.
Mr Fox: This is a map of Florence, not Vienna!

Words in Finnish:

Kartta = a map
Juna-asema = a train station
Hypätä = to jump
Valittaa = to whine

Monday, January 22, 2007

When the Fox was Fourteen, She Watched a Sci-fi Film in Margate

Last Monday it was + 10 C degrees outside. Nicely warm, damp and dark.
Today it is -12 C, crispy and white. Unfortunately I didn't see anything behind my frozen windscreen. But I knew it was all there: slippery pavements, blue skies, snowflakes on your lashes, taste of the wet mittens, kids' tongues stuck onto frozen metal.
No wonder we're on the Lonely Planet's "Go List" amongst Antarctica, Central Bulgaria, Northern Patagonia and Cornwall.

Whilst scraping on my screen I thought about my own Want to Go List and it's irritating impossibleness, but also the places where I had already been.
Like Isle of Thanet. What made me travel there when I was 14? Of course now, twenty years later, I know it really isn't an island like Isles of Scilly or Isle of Man.
But I have never been that good with directions and instead of Isle of Wight I ended up living in Ramsgate with my best friend Katarina, a butcher, Avon lady and two Swedish girls. [Hej Carin och Susanna, om du läser det, hälsningar!]

One day In Kent:
T. Fox: Oh, I'm so glad it's Sunday and we don't have to eat those horrible pastries.
[Every day our small Tupperware boxes were stuffed with small pastries filled with some brown, unidentified meat and gristle, which was stuck between the teeth and possibly made me vegetarian in the long run.]
Katarina: Do you know where Emma and Steven are?
T. Fox: No.
Katarina: So, let's have a feast! [opens the food cupboard]
T. Fox: Mmm... hungry...
Katarina: Do you want to eat Weetabix or Weetabix? We don't have any milk though.

The cupboards were empty. Jut half a box of Weetabix.
After five hungry hours we still had that half a box of Weetabix.
T. Fox: Have you got any money?
Katarina: Nothing left, I'm sorry.
T. Fox: I have just the amount for the t-shirt...
Katarina: You've got money, you little [censored]!

So, we took my money, went to the shop near the fish & chips, where I got a love letter from a shy school boy.
[Hello Simon, I saved your letter.]
We bought ten Twix bars and four bottles of Fanta, and I didn't have that pink "is that your banana in your pocket"- t-shirt, which might have been a good thing after all.
Now, twenty years later I know I should have invested in property.

Words in Finnish:
tuulilasi = a windscreen
ärsyttävä = irritating
matkustaa = to travel

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

My Son is a Video Projector

Mother T. Fox explains what is a slave.
J: Was Aladdin's Genie also a slave?
T Fox: Sort of yes.
J: I'd like to be Genie, although I'd also like to have the wishes.
T Fox: Well, what would you wish for? [thinks about health, happiness, human brains, horses, holidays and humbug]
J: First I'd like to be the mightiest of all the sorcerers. But a nice one.
T Fox: Okay.
J: The second one: I'd want to be an ice-cream bar.
T Fox: Well...that's interesting.
J: And finally I'd want to have all the world's movies uploaded inside my brain and show them to others on my belly.
T: Err...

Words in Finnish:
orja = a slave
toive = a wish
jäätelöbaari = an ice-cream bar
elokuva = a movie

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I hoped my blue kicksled had been a pony

That was a typical January morning. Sky was so dark blue, it was nearly black. Faint lights made blue, long shadows on the pearly snow.
There were few cars parked behind the old T-Market, which scruffy surface would be bunch of wooden sticks in couple of weeks time.
But I didn't know and wouldn't have cared less. I felt burning cold wind licking my face. I dried the ice away with my wet mitten. Silent sound thumb, thumb, thumb of my grey feltboots, hitting the thick snow.

Nothing peculiar happened.
After few weeks I had turned to be a woman. After few months I didn't wear feltboots or mauve colored winter jacket, but was thinking about dieting and Duran Duran.
Next summer I had lost my trust in people.

Today we had finally snow here, but just the ordinary, wet, white, soon to be melting and turning brown type of snow.
The icebreakers are still in the harbours, it's really warm and nobody goes at school with a kicksled.

I also thought I might teach you few words of Finnish in each of my blog posts.
Words in Finnish:
potkukelkka = a kicksled
lapanen = a mitten
lumi = snow


A tiny word on Kicksledding

During early spring, when the road has become too slippery and the snow too rough for skiing, and when the air is perhaps yet too fresh for running, then it is the best weather for kicksledding. It is the time to conquer the road and cover journeys with a kicksled. Anyone who has once made a kicksled trip on a spring winter night will renew it whenever suitable and shall use his dear vehicle on all possible errands.

Really, how jolly it is even to observe such a kicksledder. Tranquilly, sparsely crackles his foot on the road; shoulders bow lightly as gathering speed, and despite the easy effort it soon makes you swoon. The skiing man and horse carriage are easily overtaken, not speaking of the pedestrian, who just flickers in the kicksledder's eye like a telegraph cable pole. How skillfully the sled turns in curves; you need not fear any tumbles or collisions. Like a slender twig the kicksled bends obeying the will of its master.

Whilst the kicksled rides boldly on flat land, its speed in downward slopes is quite astonishing indeed. A freshneck driver gets almost confused and the heart of a weak-headed spectator begins wavering. For what so wizardly keeps meandering down the hill, yet honourably surviving such incredible bends, as a skilled kicksledder while tackling the steepest of all slopes. There is a certain enchantment similar to descending down the rapids, no less alert can a kicksled steersman stand on his runners. May neither an eye blink nor a limb deceive its contraction, being neither too timid nor too violent, if one desires to happily reach the level land.

You need not only stamina in your arms and strength in your torso, but perhaps most of all sharpness of sight and vigilance of thought as well as a heart that doesn't swerve for nothing.
Kicksledding improves manhood, boldness and courage mentally as well as physically. Therefore kicksledding in fresh air during pictoresque springwinter nights is extremely advisable.

Let it become here mentioned, that our Federation has included kicksledding into its competitive events and eventually there might be even a possibility of participating in the Championships. All counties with a general interest in kicksledding are strongly recommended to arrange races in this practically beneficial and even more merry sport.

Column written by nickname "Tossu" was published in "Työväen Urheilulehti" (Labourers' Athletic Magazine) in 1915.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

more monotonous piffle

I could tell you which fantastic five movies I've seen during the previous week, but I'm too lazy and worn-out to do so.
Instead of it, I will ask you what do they down there have in common?

George Gaynes
David Lynch
Jessica Lange
Pamela Anderson
Matt Damon

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Five things I've heard

Today is the official ending of the Christmas season, so we threw the tree from the window and ate the delicious ginger bread house after dusting it. What then? A perfect time for doing Annie's Twisted Meme.

Five things somebody's said to me or about me:

1. You could be a model if you hadn't that ass.
A stranger on the street when I was 18.

2. Have you been part of the DDR shot put team?
A man after two years of dating.

3. I think I haven't told you, but you've got a brother.
Dad, when I was 19.

4. Look, Mum, is that Santa?
A small girl when I was 15 and wearing a trendy pink, furry coat.

5. You have such a voice it makes me sleep. Are you a news reader?
A stranger on the train when I was around 25.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Pop your bottles!

After having 3 days North Vixen diet of
sun dried tomatoes & mascarpone-soup,
rye bread,
gun powder tea
long matured cheddar,
we shall have a party.

a) I'm not having a flu anymore
b) the most tiresome week at work is over
c) my second blogger year just started

The cubs made some treats for you:

J's surprise chocolate raisins
Look like normal chocolate raisins, except they are not. Contain well squeezed insects.

A's surprise bubble gum
Tastes like normal bubble gum, except after a while, a finely-sculpted bee flies out of your mouth with a yo-yo.

We don't have any music, this is a silent treatment party.
Nor we have a clown, karaoke, dance floor or an icy vodka bar with cloudberry decorations.
But we do have a well behaving
fox-family nutcracker.