Quite suddenly my mum's far too extrovert, gossipy friend jumps behind the selves.
Mum's friend: [glancing curiously over the bottles in the trolley] Having a sauna-day? Are you sure that is enough? Me: a) Yes. b) No, actually I drink three bottles of wine a day. It's not enough. Why don't you go now and tell the whole village what a boozer I am. Mum's friend: [looking curiously at the bin-bags I bought] Oh, you buy those cheap ones. Me: a) Yes. b) Bugger off you curious b****. Mum's friend: Your mother told me about that phone-incident. Don't do that anymore. It's not good to waste police's time. Me: a) Oh, ha ha, no I surely won't. b) I'm going to kill my mum now.
---Later having a coffee with mum and some relatives
Mum: Are you sure of what you are doing? Isn't it good to be what you are? There must be thousands of well-paid vacancies open for those art... erm... something...what you are. Me: I want at least try this... Mum: If you'd go to study something else. A doctor sounds nice. Me: Mum, I'm 33. Mum: How about an assistant nurse then? Me: Mum, seriously. Mum: Have you got any money? Me: Yes. Mum: That's nice. [gives me a tenner] Mum: Oh, almost forgot I bought you a present. Me: Thanks! I have always wanted ... this revitalift antiwrinkle-cream.