Thursday, August 03, 2006

Helsinki city fox

After two months of awkward quietness, the fox arrives to the biggest shopping mall in Helsinki.
The fox wants to buy one pair of kids wellies, size 31.
There are apparently hundreds of kids wandering on the streets with their 31 sized wellies, because the shops haven't any left, except pink ones with Moomins. The fox thinks about a boy with pink rubber boots, and buys something else instead. She buys one skirt for herself and sits down.

They are everywhere. The signs. Bright letters saying:
Buy me. I am extraordinary cheap. Sale sale sale.
And the fox buys her cubs pair of shoes, two t-shirts, one jacket, one jeans jacket, one pair of outdoor trousers, two pair of waterproof gloves, two knitted hats, one rain anorak and Myy-gloves, three pairs of rain trousers, two books, monster strawberry bubblegum, Ninja turtle outfit, Turtle-toys, lunch boxes...
and two jackets for herself.

Afterwards the fox sits in her car.

The maniac fox: Ha! That was cheap!
The little fox inside the head: It wasn't really.
The maniac fox: But look how many I got!
The little fox inside the head: Really, you don't have any money left.
The maniac fox: Well, I had!
(silence)
No, actually I hadn't.
(the maniac fox remembers one bill she didn't pay yesterday)
The little fox inside the head: Ha! I knew it. Dare I ask how are you going to pay the new stairs now?
With the lunch boxes and Ninja outfits?
The maniac fox: Blimey.
The little fox inside the head: And what about the holiday?
The maniac fox: Bugger. Well, at least I've got the car. Listen to that horrible noise somebody's car is making. Ha. Mine doesn't sound like it was a tractor stuck inside the tin.
The little fox inside the head: Erm, it is your car...

The fox has now a red brakeless bike and a red brakeless car.
She's going to cross the Finnish border very soon with the big red brakeless.
See you after a week.
If the fox isn't in Lithuania.
Or Minsk.

8 comments:

occasional poster of comments said...

Oo, another post. I've been having a post-work nap. Glad I persuaded myself to get up now. Actually, hang on. I wasn't doing the persuading, it was my brain. And where's it gone now? Oh, I see. The lazy blighter just wanted more bedspace to itself. Oh well. I seem to get along ok without it most of the time. All it does is try to persuade me to buy stuff, anyway. Give me a book! Give me a CD! Want entertainment! Now! Now! Now! If it wasn't for entertaining that damned tyrannical thing I could afford to... I don't know... hire someone to write better comments, or something.

Anyway, enjoy the holiday. Wherever you might end up. Hope the car behaves itself.

taigathefox said...

Don't hire me though. I can look if I'll find you der commentwriter from the destination x, where the car might stop or not, if we're lucky.

occasional poster of comments said...

Actually that would be great. Could you get me someone like Alex the Ukrainian translator in Everything is Illuminated*? Except Lithuanian.

May you be having a first-rate, alpha-plus time of idleness. My new commenter might write. I could get used to that.


*If you haven't read it, he tries to make his translations more colourful by picking (usually inappropriate) words out of a thesaurus.

Interpreter Pavlov said...

Mmm, yes. Happy hols. (Are you always on holiday? We are.) Actually, once used, monster strawberry bubblegum makes excellent brake linings. In fact m.s.b is probably manufactured from recycled brake linings, which accounts for the taste.

V. much enjoyed your country dictionary pics. Rhubarb especially splendid. Makes you wonder why Adam and Eve bothered with fig-leaves. I tried to grow rhubarb - it's a Greek word, which ought to imply a Mediterranean provenance - here once, but it only grew to about 6cm in height.

taigathefox said...

OPC, I'll try to hire the best and most otiose commenter there is in Transsylvania or wherever the car might lead us.

IP, thanks. Unfortunately the days of eternal holiday are going to end soon. Oh, and thanks, the rhubarbs tend to be monstrous in our garden.

Talking of plants, the maniac fox visited a Japanese style garden today, whilst waiting the car back. (Didn't try your great advice, but I'll try to remember next time this happens.)
She obviously wanted to be a calm fox again, but somehow managed to buy a Western Hemlock and a Rodgersia podophylla instead.

Rabidus Badgerus said...

Badgers don't wear clothes. I have a built-in coat already. Saves a lot of money in the sales.

But you can never have too much fur-dye.

taigathefox said...

Oh, hello badge-o, welcome to the fox earth.

Foxes do wear clothes. Like Foxce & Cubbana, Taigio Foxani or Vulpian Focxcrois. If they aren't in sauna, of course.

Dave said...

Just popped in to say hello and welcome back. Things have been a bit wet round here while you've been away.