Tuesday, November 06, 2007

It was a dark and stormy night

Few weeks ago, when it was a dark night, but without the northern November sea wind (like we had yesterday), I was walking outside with the dog. I passed familiar places and tried to think what to write about, but I felt bit down and forgotten, as I tend to do when autumn is nearly over and everything, even the nature, is desperately bare. I was thinking how lovely it was, just a month ago, to sit in shadow and enjoy cold Italian prosecco with the friends, playing the "which animal would you be" game.

Could that be a sensible topic, perhaps a new meme, I thought, but after a second thought I believed no-one would love to read this kind of dialogue:
Colleague 1: Let's play the "which animal would you be"-game.
T Fox: Ok. What animal would I be?
Collegues 1 & 2 & 3: A sebra.
T Fox: A sebra? What about if I'd be something not so scared and stripey. Some carnivore?
Collegues 1 & 2 & 3: A wolverine.
T Fox: Hmm...
Colleague 2: If you would be a car you'd be a really old Mercedes-Benz.
T Fox: Hey, that's not an animal!
Colleague 1: Would you be a cat or a dog?
T Fox: A cat.
Colleague 1: No, you would be a dog.
Colleagues 2 & 3: Definitely a dog.
T Fox: Ok, I admit. What kind of dog I'd be then? I'd like to be an Irish Setter.
Colleague 2: A pug.
Colleague 3: Are we ready to go now?

I was ready to go and plucked the dog back from the bush. Crappy idea, I thought and wondered how many ah-so-brilliant ideas I had had, but couldn't have written about them, because so much or nearly everything would have got lost in the translation.

Two about 12-year-old boys were standing on the top of the hill with their bikes.
We came closer.
Boy 1: "Noutaja" comes.
[Unauthorized translator: noutaja s 1 retriever kultainen noutaja golden retriever]
T Fox: [not aloud] Retriever? Don't they teach anything at school these days?
We come closer.
Boy 1: Didn't you hear? "Noutaja" comes.
T Fox: [not aloud] Yes, yes, I heard, are you stupid or something?
We come closer.
Boy 1: Now I'm starting to be scared. Do you want to have a taste of my knife?
T Fox: [not aloud] Shit!
[Unauthorized translator: noutaja s 2 Grim Reaper]

I think my dog looks too nice to be nearly a wolf. Should I get her a creepy outfit?

Jack Sparrow Dog Costume and many more here


Occasional Poster of Comments said...

First what's-her-name out of Little Miss Sunshine, now a pug, a wolverine and an old Mercedes - these colleagues of yours really aren't sounding so great...

Erm, on the bright side, better an old Mercedes than an old Robin Reliant, or something, I suppose(?).

Not too sure if there's a bright side to 12-year-olds with knives, though.

Sopwith-Camel said...

Cat-loving Sopwith Camel goes "Arggh!" and makes sign of the cross.

How did you manage to smuggle a British Bulldog into Finland? Didn't they make you fill out an import certificate?

Taiga the Fox said...

OPC, I think I called Colleague 2 as a rusty old jeep and a mixed-breed dog though.

S-C, I am a cat.
Please, don't use the words smuggle, British, Bulldog,Finland here...
erm...except that I think I just did it myself.

Sopwith-Camel said...

So now the search robots will get you and you'll find bits on webpages saying "find smuggle British Bulldog into Finland on ebay!"

That's a rather smart coat it's wearing, is that Lapp costume? It looks familiar.

Taiga the Fox said...

Thanks so much :)

Yes, the Lapp Zmuggle Dogs usually wear a black costume with a flowing Spanish cape, a flat-brimmed Andalusian-style hat and a black cowl mask that covers the top of the head from eye level upwards. Their favored weapon is a rapier which they often use to leave their distinctive mark, a large 'Z' made with three quick cuts.

Sopwith-Camel said...

Ha, I knew it! Spaghetti Westerns are nothing new, they're just copying those Finnish Westerns. I always had my suspicions about Tonto, "Kemo Sabay" sounds more like Lapp to me.

One of my favourite films is a strange little thing called "Leningrad Cowboys go America", which I saw almost 15 years ago and haven't seen since, but I remember it very vividly. Definitely tongue in cheek, those Finns. Even the F1 drivers. Good old Raikkonen pretends he's so quick because he drinks a lot, and so poor Hamilton tried lacing his milkshakes to keep up and look what happened :)

Taiga the Fox said...

Ah, you're a Kaurismäki fan then :)

I think I prefer the milkshake-man than the mumbling iceman, though...

Sopwith-Camel said...

I didn't understand the milkshake man. I must learn to listen in Finnish.