Walpurgis Night

It's Walpurgis Night and apparently everyone in Finland is outside, celebrating.
I'm not, but somebody just tried put a water balloon into my pants.


Party in Finland? Well, look at yourselves, for example one web cam, which shows you what kind of is "the biggest carnival-style festivity that takes place in the streets of Finland's towns and cities" in Lordi's Square, Rovaniemi.

Happy Vappu!

The Finnish Weather Explained

+15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
The Finns are out getting a tan.

+10°C / 50°F
The French are trying to start their central heating.
The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.

+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won't start.
The Finns are cruising in Cabriolets.

0°C / 32°F
Distilled water freezes.
The water in the Finnish rivers gets a little thicker.

-5°C / 23°F
People in California almost freeze to death.
The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.

-10°C / 14°F
The Brits start heating their houses.
The Finns start using long sleeves.

-20°C / -4°F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.

-30°C / -22°F
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth.
The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.

-40°C / -40°F
Paris starts cracking in the cold.
The Finns stand in line at the "grill-kiosk".

-50°C / -58°F
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-60°C / -76°F
Korvatunturi (the home for Santa Claus) freezes.
The Finns rent a movie and stay indoors.

-70°C / -94°F
The false Santa moves south.
The Finns get frustrated since they can't store their Kossu (Koskenkorva vodka) outdoors.
The Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.

-183°C / -297.4°F
Microbes in food don't survive.
The Finnish cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273°C / -459.4°F
All atom-based movent halts.
The Finns start saying "Perkele, it's cold outside today."

-300°C / -508°F
Hell freezes over.
Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest.

Bah. I used an old joke. Typical.

On the Menu Today

The language of the Fox blog has changed into Finnish during the night. Where it used to read title, it now says otsikko, where it said view blog it now reads tarkastele blogia and label is suddenly luokkatunniste. The whole blog is like a messy room, where every object has changed it's place at once. I feel like I've lost my ability to control my own blog and seems like I have trouble in understanding my own language as well.
I feel myself bit dim.
I think I have to go and buy the Dim Body Toutch Bra I saw advertised yesterday.



No. Probably having a new horrible looking bra wouldn't help me writing something more meaningful, so I will just copy-paste some dishes seen on some Finnish menus.

Shrimp and crap salad for two.

Grilled pork shop.

You can have crap on your pizza.

We give you water only when you ask.

Dead snails from Åland in garlic and butter sauce.

The cock is recommending today's beef.

We can serve your steak with much blood, some blood, or well-done.

Ice cream with warm bear halves and toffee sauce.

Finnish mushroom salad - wild, salty and sticky mushrooms with cream sauce and pickles.

Mexican burrito with mutilated chicken meat and salsa.

Try traditional Finnish pee soup.

We can bring the nuts and drinks to your room (room service card). Drink something if you want (room service card). On our breakfast table you will find the cheese, the meat and some others.

Omelet is made with recent eggs from a local farm where the chickens are alive.

This week is "bird meat week" but we also have a good selection of mammal meat.

Japanese guests can have traditional breakfast with stinky rice and fishes.

Tar ice cream - Finnish special. Good for people who eat tar and lingon berries.

Children's hamburger is served with the French Pizzas. After clock 21 are not. Sorry.

Meat with sweat and sour sauce.

More egoistic wankery

What exciting have I done this week?
Lets see. I've been a judge of a kids' art competition.
I've been filled with some unfilled papers.
I've tried to find out the exact location of four stuffed horse legs and an iron ball.

Nothing much to write about, but luckily I saw this meme at Annie's.

1. PICK OUT A SCAR YOU HAVE, AND EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT IT
I've got so many. When I was an arson baby I surprisingly didn't get any, but when I was three years old I fell down from a balcony. That was the very first one, that small one on my forehead.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Which room? Am I too old for this? Well, I will pick out the bedroom. One black and white photo of me and Mr Fox when we were so slim, beautiful and angrily rock, sitting in a bus in Estonia. Another black and white photo of Mr Fox, my Son's godfather and one, already gone architect friend of us, wearing funny hats on a rock festival. Four photos of my Sons. Two oil paintings which I have done. Some signed graphic art from various artists. One unknown oil painting with an Italian landscape motif. Some old English postcards from my best friend. Some artwork made by the cubs. An old, beautiful mirror.


3. WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Bit slippery silver shell with a Totoro toy. At work a too small silver one.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Look at my profile, there's some I like.

5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE
Won't show it, but it's a lovely photo of my kids and their cousin drawing aliens and teddy-bears.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
It's a secret. Guess.

7. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGE?
I'm not so sure about any marriages at all, but I do have many gay friends and I want my friends to be happy, so if marriage makes someone happy, why not.

8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
Early in the morning.

9. ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL TOGETHER?
No, thank god, no.

10. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Now? Various kind of shouting and a noise of a broken washing machine.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
If there are spiders hiding there, yes.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Well, I won't tell any names.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Almost everything by Kenzo.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I like blond long hair, brown short hair, bit curly red hair and brown, blue and green eyes.

15. DO YOU LIKE PAIN KILLERS?
Not at all. I have given birth to two strong baby boys without any pain killers. But I think I got hooked on laughing gas.

16. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
I'm not particularly shy at all.

17. FAVE PIZZA TOPPING?
Mozzarella and sun dried tomatoes.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'm not hungry, but if it could be anything, I'd like to have something only my Granny could do. It was called tirrileipä and it was a Carelian dish with rye bread fried in the butter or something. I've eaten that about 30 years ago. After that some freshly smoked flounders. Possibly a glass of Gewürztraminer. Oh, a dessert. Mango lassi, please.

19. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I have no idea. Can I make people mad? [blink]

20. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
I have been told so. I guess I have to believe.

The Kuril-Kamchatka Trench in the Internet, where I was

So, I visited You Tube trying to see Loituma video. I found it, but what an earth was that supposed to be, I wondered. A girl with a leek? I wasn't the only one pondering what was this chick doing with that a huge onion? A flashmob with leeks? I soon found out why there was a leek, although it still was a mystery to me. As big as my surprise when I realised how had this odd Finnish song spread through the Internet.

Do we really need any song contests at all? Why not just look at a Mexican guy singing pefectly spelled Finnish? Japanese man with a guitar? Holly Dolly? A Dane with a tuba? Why not to learn how to play it with keyboard? Hungarian politicians? Pygmies dancing Loituma? Italians dancing? Russian making some wonder is this how grunge died? El mundo es de los frikis?
Buli az asztalosnal? Jim Carrey? Greek soap? I've seen this man in this blog, but never heard this with a flute. How did the name suddenly turn into Yak Tsup Tsop? And finally something * which made him to seek a bottle and me to seek for the big red button.



*this is particularly for you Opc

Ps. Do you want to know what the words really mean? Look at the comments.

Neurovision Bong Contest

Yesterday I kicked a few blogposts around my mind. The ice-cream kiosks were opened and the seagulls were shitting around again. Should I write about it I wondered, but there wasn't much else exciting to scribble about.

Also there was the fact bothering me, that I have knowingly skated around the slippery sweep called the Eurovision Song Contest.
If I would be a normal Finnish citizen I should have gone over and over and over and over on that subject here, whilst wearing a chirpy hat with two overhanging fabric hands carrying national flags.

I thought about it hard. The only thing I wanted to say was the fact that I kind of hoped that the visual image and the ambience of the show would be as hilarious as the moment when a post- soviet wooden doll meets the electric hedge trimmer, mainly because Mr Fox knows well some private parts of one designer designing the face of the upcoming hullaballoo, so there wasn't much to tell you about that.

So, there I sat, staring at the blank computer screen when I heard it again.
Loituma and their fabulous song Ieva's Polka (Classic), which I had thought about introducing you much earlier, but forgot. I tried to find out their space on their My Space and here it is. I listened to it. I moved on. Three hours later I was still listening to it. Eventually the quiet waters of that innocent song sucked me somewhere so deep that if there is a Kuril-Kamchatka Trench in the Internet, I was there.

Second-rate flaneuring

The other day at Mannerheimintie, Helsinki

A woman walks in front of me, wearing a bright red jacket, uncomfortably high heels and a skirt so tight it's making an impression of a badly squeezed tofu sausage in a vacuum.
She walks like a 50s movie star, waves her hips from side to side looking bit more like a somewhat tipsy Mother Goose than Marilyn, but what interests me most is how she carries her hands. They are not moving at all and her fingertips are pointing straight up. I see how everyone looks at her. I notice how I have placed my fingers exactly in the same position like she has. I look around and see somebody is shooting photos of her. And apparently of me, copying her way of walking.


The other day at Mannerheimintie, Helsinki

A woman walks in front of my colleague. She wears impressively high heels and walks weirdly, with bended knees. My colleague waits when she would walk properly, find a loo or at least lift her apparently-soon-to-be-down-dropping-stockings, when he notices he has copied her way of walking.

Today near Mannerheimintie, Helsinki

I was offered a glass of excellent white wine, but I said no, because I was still at work and hadn't eaten anything and was afraid I would fell immediately and hit my head on the pavement. I didn't drink the wine, went to the restaurant, looked carefully at my feet, like every normal Finn does and walked straight towards the waitress carrying a huge plate of Muttar paneer.


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Edit: If someone wonders about the old post ghosts in the readers, I spent most of my second-rate Friday night labelling my second-rate old posts.

I have a craving for a plate

I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I'm dying for I want I want I want I want I want I want!

These. Taika (Magic) plates and stuff from Iittala.

Designed by Klaus Haapaniemi

A Finn living currently in London

doing things for
Dolce&Gabbana
Marimekko
Levi's
Diesel
blah blah blah
...

for Cacharel

for Givy

for Bela’s Dead

bustier detail

bra detail

Warning, the link above shows Nick Cave-influenced black lingerie with foxes,
whatever that is.

Nego Monogatari

Electronic cash card, 7-eleven Taiwan



I have a strange craving for a plate.
I'm having a pay day tomorrow.

Fear and Mumbling in Sledge Hill Park

I was walking with the husky in the park nearby, pondering should I wear my ski suit or swimming suit the next day. It was dark grey everywhere, the pale leafless trees waved in the mild wind. It was almost 11 pm and all the joggers and Nordic walkers had gone inside.
I was almost melting to the quietness when I saw it.

There was a dog hanging from the tree. It's body was stretched, the legs kicked slowly back and forth. I looked closer and saw a tall man standing under the tree. The dog was hanging really high, it's feet weren't even touching the man's shoulders. I stared at the dog feet, moving slower and slower. I wondered should I break the silence or just walk away. I walked away. I closed my eyes, saw the dead, swaying body in my mind and turned around.

T Fox: Excuse me, what are you doing? Why is that dog hanging from the tree?
Man: It's just hanging there.
T Fox: But why?
Man: It likes it.

I looked at the dog again. It wasn't moving. I couldn't see the face of the man, but suddenly he looked like one, who likes to hang unaware animals and eat cats as a breakfast. The man's bald head was moving towards me. His body was huge. The dog wheezed quietly. I walked away and tried to find my mobile, but I had left it at home. Who would leave her house at midnight, without a phone, when all the squirrel eating bareheads were set free?

A white van came came closer. I waved my hand vigorously and the car slowed down. A small, slim long-haired man looked at me with huge, round eyes. He opened the window, just a little bit.
Man2: Yes?
T Fox: Look, don't you think that the man there is hanging a dog?

The man looked at the bushes. I tried to think if he thought which one was scarier; me jumping straight from the bushes with a wolf-like dog or an invisible dog-hanger in the dark.
Man2: I'll go and look then.
The man with the van drove to the park, opened the door and walked with short steps towards the man and the dog on the tree.

I followed the man, who looked really scared. The bald, big man looked scared too. I wondered what did the slim man think about the bald man and what did the bald man think about my hippie-looking scout. There were we; standing in the deep silence, staring at each others' trembling shadows.

The dog from the tree fell down. It was big thumb. A sound, which only comes when a trimmed bulldog falls from the tree. The dog looked at us, gave a questioning glance to his owner and
then looked carefully at my husky. I looked at my dog too and tried to guess what would she do. If she gets scared she either shows her sharp white teeth or pretends she is a squirrel. I bet she hadn't brushed her teeth yet.

The quite official, but most glorious greeting of the Fox family

Sunny and warm Easter to all my lovely readers!


I will do some serious blogging, commenting, e-mailing, longhairing and flickring again on Tuesday.

Bit Thick Guinness-y Porridge

It seems like I might actually be better and the stomach flu flies away just before Easter and mämmi.

A freaky window

Can you hear us?
Originally uploaded by Taiga the Fox.

and some other boring landscape photos uploaded